The Cost of Living

• Rent: $725.00/month ($181.25/week)
• 1.5 BR
• 12-foot ceilings
• original 8-foot glass windows
• hardwood floors
• no straight walls
• seafoam green tiled bathroom complete with surprise collapsible ceilings
• lopsided kitchen with occasional heat (but that's why there's a stove) and flaking interior cabinets so dishes must be washed both before and after use
• access to back yard with 2.73 hours of sun daily, usually between the hours of 11:45 am and 1:33 pm. Moss very happy back there, gives impression of coolness.
• remarkable stench from nearby restaurant dumpster enters all windows on hot summer days, while exhaust fumes from running ambulances on break at the nearby diner adds cherry cheeks to the holiday joys in winter
• convenient first floor location behind dance studio with admirable stereo system guarantees odd noises and visitation attempts at all hours through a variety of entry points
• fantastic location 4 blocks from bordering cities, complete with local laundromats, assorted forms of public transportation, graffiti taggers, car accidents (crosswalks = crosshairs), and the occasional bullet-spraying teenagers who empty entire clips at eachother without actually hitting anything other than a lot of store windows
• plenty of concrete and road dust combat all but the smallest and most virile of native flora and fauna
• added feature of the occasional exciting official questioning at 2am when nearby gas station attendants clash with public over price of freedom to be an American
• Gas/Electric: $130.00/month (32.50/week)
• Optional monthly bill plan averages August's $30.00 no-air-conditioner joy and January's $300.00 67-degrees-inside-17-degrees-outside pain into one tedious but predictable lump sum
• IMPORTANT NOTE** Try to avoid looking at actual usage between months of October and March when 1/3 of bill is added to itself again for special power company charge which when questioned is described as "well that's the charge for the gas we thought you were going to use and then you didn't." Further questioning and requests for information puts caller into land of permanent hold
• Phone/Cable/Internet package: $100.00/month ($25.00/week)
• Previously approx $130.00/month over 3 services. Consolidation is good. However, will rise to $130.00/month at end of promotional program in 10 months. We'll wrestle that alligator when we come to it.
• Phone reaches entire nation yet remains attached to wall
• Cable is basic and will be required by law next year anyway and since without cable we only receive about half a channel for two thirds of the day, it is nice to be able to actually find something the kids can watch once in a while
• now that every news story, advertisement and government office in the country adds "for more info, see our website at www.hahayoudon'thavetheinternet.com" and then teases you about the food-poisoning deaths/massively destructive approaching bad weather/huge death-crunching firefight/local, state & national emergency warning in the local area every 7.5 minutes with lead-ins, promos and commercials, you no longer have to panic because... you already looked it up.
• Husband can email overseas family.
• There's always a chance someone might actually buy something you post on the internet.
• Library charges $1.00/hour, plus extra for printing.
• Light Rail Pass: $49.00/month ($12.25/week)
• Necessary since death of car.
• Only way to get to work.
• Used for subway and bus.
• Also works for getting to bank. Good for cashing paycheck.
• Actually, best regular purchase ever.
• Also on the plus side, now no longer have to spend $150.00 to $200.00/month on gas, oil, insurance, maintenance, parking tickets, car washes, tripleA (though they still call every 6 months to ask if you're sure you still don't want to renew your membership!), registration, towing charges and court costs.
• Only detractions: Service is regretfully not door-to-door. Extra time must be added to allow for trip to any appointment based on schedules and locations. Other people are involved. Sometimes they are sick. Sometimes they smell.
• Most Major Drawback (but not the bus card's fault): No longer have car available as substitute place to live if family suddenly becomes homeless due to third job in 6 years suddenly disappearing because of obviously shrinking and yet until now publicly ignored recessive economy.
• Laundry: $13.00/week, give or take
• Convenient public laundromat around corner a true joy to drag laundry to through rain, sleet, snow, hail, and galactic meteor storm.
• Loss of time spent either wandering back and forth or sitting in overheated environment listening to people fight over dryers while waiting for spin cycle to finish is inestimable.
• On the plus side, if there is extra $10.00 to shell out, laundry can be done by helpful people who work there. Of course, sometimes they turn everything pink. Relationship much more congenial when one turns clothing pink all by oneself.
• While it would seem prudent to save money by doing less laundry, when one runs out of underwear, one runs out of underwear. Besides, it is entertaining to see how much bigger the holes in our socks get every week.
• Groceries**: $130.00/week, give or take
• **Please be aware that all grocery prices have increased by a minimum of 1/3 over the last year due to skyrocketing fuel prices and subsequent fuel surcharges on all shipments, deliveries, and services. Two years ago we got just under the same amount for $90.00/week.
• Feed household of 4 and one cat. Milk first. Kids like milk. Milk is $3.70/gallon. Was $2.70/gallon last year. Need minimum of 5 gallons a week, $18.50. Bread is conveniently $1.00/loaf. Gruesome spongy white stuff. 3 loaves, $3.00. Whole wheat bread far more nutritious, $1.50/loaf. Reserved for kids only unless it's Saturday morning right before shopping. 2 loaves, $3.00. Cat food, average $5.00/week cans and dry. Kind of expensive but he's cute and keeps our feet warm in the wintertime. Not to mention, also keeps local fauna from encroaching on human territory. Training pants and wipes $20.00/week. Soap, shampoo, toothpaste, deoderant, shaving cream, razors, spent over time $5.00/week, hopefully not all needed at once. Assorted fruits, apples, oranges or grapes and bananas in particular, generally reserved for kids, $10.00/week. Approximately 3 apples, 5 bananas, and 2 oranges, depending on sales, or 1 bunch of grapes and 5 bananas and an apple. Bag of salad, hopefully on sale, and not contaminated with e. coli, $3.00. Potatoes. Try to get 3 or 4. Forget how much they are. Somewhere between $2.00 and $4.00. Fruit bars for kids, $4.00. Yogurt for kids, hopefully on sale, $5.00. Cheese, American, $3.00/pack. Children's chewable vitamins, $16.00/month so $4.00/week. Nutritional supplementary beverage for hypo-glycemic grownup, $6.00 for box of 6. 2 boxes of cereal, hopefully on sale, $8.00. Tomato sauce in a jar, whatever's on sale, $3.00/jar. 3 boxes of pasta/week, $3.00. Pre-prepared fast and easy on the table in less than an hour and pretend it's nutritious foods, assorted, includes everpopular mac-n-cheese, frozen ravioli, frozen veggies, approximately 4 dinners worth, $20.00. Block of cheddar cheese, $6.00, every other week so $3.00. Peanut Butter & Jelly, $3.00 (lasts 2 weeks). Eggs, butter/margarine, alternating weeks comes to oops, that's the limit. Ad-lib and mix-and-match always acceptable, as long as kids get plenty and grups get enough. Occasional treats like cake mix, cooking oil, store-brand ice-cream, or on sale popsicles also acceptable.
• 2 lottery tickets/week, $2.00. Required.

Total Net Wages, per week: $400.00